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August
10, 2009
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AT
PARDES LEVAVOT
Join our
Orchard of Hearts!
It's time to
renew your membership. Look for information in your mailbox or inbox
later this week. Or beat the rush and download
the membership form now!
Events
This Week
Celebrate
Shabbat at Home with Friends and Family
Friday, August 15
Getting
Involved
Come join Pardes
Levavot on our Facebook
page. Engage in discussion, hear of new events, and lend us your
support. Everyone is welcome and encouraged to join.
From the
Shepherd of the Hills Bulletin
Community
Infant Program (CIP). Bring baby items to help struggling parents and
single mothers. There
is an ongoing need for disposable diapers for young families with
children. You can bring them to the church. Thank you!
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August
2009
Saturday, 22, 10am-noon
Contemplative Shabbat Service
Saturday, 22, 12:15-1:45
Rebbes' Tisch
September
2009
Saturday,
12, 8:30pm
Selichot
Friday, 18, 7:00-9:30pm
Erev Rosh
HaShanah
Saturday, 19, 10:00am-2:00pm
Rosh
HaShanah 1st Day
Sunday, 20, 10:00am-1:00pm
Rosh
HaShanah 2nd Day
Sunday, 20, 1:00pm
Tashlich
and picnic
Sunday, 27, 6:30pm-9:30pm
Kol Nidre
Monday, 28, 10:00am-3:00pm & 5:30pm-7:45pm
Yom Kippur
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AROUND
TOWN
AND BEYOND
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PRAYERS
Each
newsletter
contains
names of people in our community, or friends of our community, who need
prayers for healing, support, et cetera. Names will cycle off the list after
one month - please let us know if you wish for it to remain longer. Please send names in
Hebrew
and/or English, with other details as desired, to info@pardesleavavot.org.
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For information
about Pardes Levavot or our events please visit our
website at www.pardeslevavot.org
or write info@pardeslevavot.org.
To contact Rabbis Nadya and Victor Gross write rabbis@pardeslevavot.org.
If you would like to post something on our Pardes Levavot mailing
lists, or if you have questions about our mailings, lists,
communications, etc., contact info@pardeslevavot.org.
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An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Bubbie: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Bubbie: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Bubbie: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Bubbie: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?
Bubbie: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Bubbie: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Bubbie: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Bubbie: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to
see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A
lieutenant slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Lieutenant: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Bubbie: Is there a problem sir?
Lieutenant: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car
and murdered the owner.
Bubbie: Murdered the owner?
Lieutenant: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Lieutenant: Is this your car, ma'am?
Bubbie: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The lieutenant is quite stunned.
Lieutenant: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands
it to the lieutenant. The lieutenant examines the license. He looks
quite
puzzled.
Lieutenant: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have
a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up
the owner.
Bubbie: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
MORAL: Don't Mess With Bubbie
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